Philippines Today US » Lovelife Special

Need for His Lordship

bong — Mon, 13 Feb 2012 03:13:47 +0000

BY Ptr. Dante & Cyntha veluz
Q: “I have said, ‘Enough is enough!’ too many times but now I made my final decision to leave my husband after more than 15 years of so much pain and trouble. All love is gone and I want to be free to start my life afresh in another place. We are the most incompatible couple and we have been fools to stick together that long. Our personalities are exactly the opposite. I am a hard worker (I take care of our business) while he is flippant. He is slow, insensitive, irresponsible, and would not give up his vices so I cannot help but nag him, yell at him and even curse him when I get so mad. I have no respect left for him. We never agreed on any decision in raising and disciplining our children, in business, even in small things like choice of furniture. Nine out of ten times, our house turns into hell when we fight. In the past we tried to confine our quarrels inside the room so our children will not hear but now we couldn’t care less if we fight in their midst. We are just lucky they did not turn out abnormal. Right now I really do need comfort and an ear to listen.

A: We know that you are in a very precarious situation so we would like to start off with a prayer for you: “Our Father in heaven, You know what this woman and her husband have been going through, because nothing is hidden from You. You are the Great Comforter and Healer so we ask in the name of your Son, Jesus, our Lord, for You to send forth Your Holy Spirit to comfort and heal her of her wounds. Nothing is impossible with You, Lord! We ask for Your miraculous touch upon this couple and for Your peace to be upon her and her husband in Jesus’ mighty Name! Amen.”
You did not mention if you have already sought professional or spiritual help. We believe that before you do anything drastic you should consult a counselor who can walk you through your problems. It is best if you both can sit down with him or her to share your and his side of the story. It is not that we do not believe yours; but in order for the counselor to be objective, he has to hear your husband’s side, too. But of course willingness from both sides is necessary. We hope you will think about this.
You seem to be so distraught and we agree with you that you need to get away… but not for good. Right now is time to rest to think things through. You can take a vacation where you can first and foremost, seek God. He is the Real Problem-Solver. In Him you can find the peace and comfort and wisdom that you need. We suggest you go to a place of retreat for your soul where it is close to nature and of course, close to God. Speak to Him, open your heart to Him, and complain to Him because He listens. Confess your need for Him and His Lordship over your life. This gesture opens your spirit to be in tuned with His Spirit. Bring along your Bible because God often speaks through His Word. Meditate on His words especially the parts where He speaks about marriage (Genesis 2, Malachi 2, 1 Corinthians7), about His commands for husbands and wives, (Ephesians 5:21-33) and the Book of Psalms, the Book of Proverbs. Allow the Lord to saturate you with His love and enjoy His presence.
Then come back to your family renewed and refreshed. By that time we are sure that God will have already given you a new perspective in life, coming straight from His throne room. We chose not to comment further on the situation you presented to us because you probably tried to do a lot of things but failed. This whole new way will work wonders for you. Try it because we guarantee this to work just because God is real and He is alive! Remember, nobody loves you more than Jesus does. Shalom!
To our readers: you may call us or write to us at our address above-stated or email us at danteveluz@gmail.com or you can channel your feedbacks or problems through Philippines Today.

REV. DANTE & CYNTHIA VELUZ
Authors & Conference Speakers
On Marriage and Relationships and
Certified Marriage Specialists
JESUS IS ALIVE FELLOWSHIP (AG)
414 Tennessee Street, Vallejo, CA 94590
Sunday Bible Study, 9:30AM; Worship, 10:30AM
For prayers, (707) 334-4043, (707) 553-1285

What is your Priority?

bong — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 02:43:55 +0000

Q. “Please tell me what to do. Here I am working my butt out to earn money for my family back home only to learn that my husband is seeing someone else. I could no longer concentrate in my job. I hate the feeling of being cheated. I wanted to quit and go home but I stand to lose the chance to be able to bring my whole family here. Besides, I wouldn’t be able to bring much home to even start a decent business. I also do not want my children to lose the privileges of going to private schools and enjoying the luxuries I can give them. What should I do with my unfaithful husband?
A. As we have always in this column advised those in similar situations, we ask you to choose your priority in life. Is it material gain versus a broken family? Is it being able to petition the whole family or a happy, united family back home? Life is full of choices. We cannot decide for you; you have to set your own priorities.
We do not condone what your husband did because that is adultery and is a sin against God and you. However, we notice that women working in other countries and are separated from their husbands because of their jobs very often suffer the same fate because their men have been deprived of their basic need: sex. Their tendency is to look for love elsewhere because of their longing for their wives. But you know what? Only when a man is full of the Spirit of God can he withstand the temptation of committing this sin. (We know of a few who have remained faithful.) We pray that your husband will find that personal relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ so that he will feel complete and lacking in nothing.
We suggest you pray hard for your husband. Talk to him (do not nag him, please!). Tell him that you forgive him and that the two of you need to make a decision as to what to do with the situation, emphasizing that you do not want to lose him. Assure him of your love for him and your desire to give up everything just to be with him so that he feels he is more important to you than your job. Call him more often than usual. Chat with him in the internet. Communicate often. Be sure that before you put down the phone, or say goodbye, you pray for one another. We believe that God will move and will bring conviction and restore your love for one another.
Talk to your kids as well. Help them realize the situation and how important it is to keep the family together. Ask them in what way can they help in bringing the whole family united to each other. Be frank and be open to them. No matter what their ages, they will understand. You might be surprised if they themselves will be willing to sacrifice just so you can go back home. Tell your children to keep their dad company. Advise them to go with dad in sports, to the movies, even watching and playing games at home. Let dad be involved in their lives. If they have been spending more time in television, computer or electronic games, tell them it is important that they give time for dad to become dad to them lest he spend time in his affair. Teach your children to pray and read the Bible. Let them coerce dad to pray with them. The saying is true: “The family that prays together stays together”.
We think that what is holding you back is the fear of uncertainty. Do not fear for those who trust in the Lord will never be put to shame (Romans 9:33). And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:19). Whether you are in the USA or anywhere else, know that God is able to provide for you for His name is Jehovah Jireh (God, my Provider)!

Lust of the Eyes

bong — Fri, 25 Nov 2011 01:24:05 +0000

By ptr. dante & cyntha veluz
Q: “After a long wait, I was finally able to petition my husband. I knew I had to expect adjustments since we only lived together as husband and wife for about a year after which I had to come here to the United States. I mean, we have had struggles but what gets on my nerves is whenever we are together my husband looks at other women. Maybe ‘look’ is a mild way of describing it; gawk or ogle would be better. I must say, I could sense malice when he stares at women. I am so offended and I lose my self-confidence. It is as if I am not his wife and he makes me feel unattractive. I tried to correct him but the argument would always backfire to me. He says I am a jealous nagger. What should I do?”
A: Staring at other women is always a big problem with men. More so this becomes a blown up problem when men shamelessly gawk at other women despite the presence of their girlfriends or wives like in your case. Some men would try to dispute that this tendency means nothing at all; they are just generally attracted by looks. Some of them would defensively argue that they are just appreciating God’s creation or beauty. Some would even defend, “Just because I am married doesn’t mean I am dead! My wife should be worried if I take it to the next level!” (Whoa!) For a lot of men, however, gawking is coupled with lust. The latter fantasize on curvaceous or well-endowed women and most of the time they end up with either pornography or adultery or fornication or otherwise it is a result thereof.
Whichever way, wives (like you) get offended because their men do not respect their feelings. For them, looking at other women is tantamount to their men’s lack of concern and commitment. Just like you mentioned, you lose your self-esteem whenever your husband does this to you. Your case is quite pathetic simply because you have waited so long to be reunited with your husband, and here your husband doesn’t seem to care how you feel. But it is not too late. Things can still change for the better with God’s help.
You mentioned that you have tried to correct him to no avail. He, in turn, even rebukes your nagging. Perhaps this where one of the solution lies: that instead of nagging him, you will have to correct your husband in a gentle way, almost pleading and then tell him exactly how you feel. We also suggest you change your style when you are with him, like engage him in interesting conversations, be more romantic with him, and make yourself pleasant and attractive so that he doesn’t have to turn his head around. Let the two of you get involved in sports. Do everything to divert his attention. Invite him to spend more time with just the two of you and relive the times when you first got engaged and got married.
Then pray for the right timing. Share with him what you read in the Bible (and we hope you will really read these passages) in Matthew 5:28, “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart” and in Job 31:1 “I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl”. Isn’t this going to be great when this happens? But you know what? Conviction will only come when your husband begins to seek the Lord. So we admonish you to pray for him that he will know God and His ways. Once he fears God will he be able to walk uprightly before Him and you. Read the Bible together. Invite him to pray together every night before you sleep. Attend marriage seminars. Get to know couples that are walking with the Lord and associate with them. Receive an impartation from them. If these still do not work, seek a counselor’s help who might be able to walk you through your struggles. God be with you. Smile! Shalom!
You may call or write to us at our address above-stated or email us at danteveluz@gmail.com or you can channel your feedbacks or problems through Philippines Today. God bless you all!

Husband /Wife-Pleaser

bong — Mon, 21 Nov 2011 04:34:25 +0000

Q: “Why do husbands have to always please their wives? Aren’t they supposed to rather be pleased by their wives? What if they get spoiled and would abuse the husband’s love, goodness and kindness? Wives ought to know their duties and roles to make their husbands happy, don’t you think?”
A: Thank you for taking time out to tell us how you feel. The Bible says in Ephesians 5:25, “Husbands, love your wives”. Loving involves acts of pleasing. Don’t worry, there is no such thing as overdose of love. Generally, a wife who is dearly loved by her husband will always try to respond and outdo him in love. Furthermore, a husband who takes the lead role in marriage will get all the respect he wants from his wife and will never be in danger of being abused. We heard someone say, ‘treat your wife as a queen and she will treat you like a king!’ Therefore do not be afraid to be a wife-pleaser.
Nevertheless, we still would like to address your concern on the wives’ roles and duties towards their husbands. May your wife find this advice helpful so she can please you and make you happy.
Per the Scriptures, the wife’s role is to be the helper of the husband (Genesis 2: 18). In the Hebrew language, a helper is someone who helps the other find fulfillment and someone who rescues another. A helper is not a housemaid that the husband bosses around but rather someone who makes him complete. When the wife learns how to fulfill and make her husband complete, this woman will most likely be the happiest woman on earth. Many counselors and psychologists agree that the following are the most important needs that when met will make the husband happy and fulfilled:
1. SEX. The woman should consider that man has a different sexual make up. Whereas she is content in being cuddled, kissed and hugged without desiring sex, this is man’s primary marital need. Sex “gains for him the value of rejoicing in his God-given manhood’ (Debrah Johanyak, Ohio). Some men need to make love more often than others. Therefore, these concerned wives should try to respond to them (instead of rejecting their men) and should fulfill their marital duties with joy (1Corinthians 7:3). The more the husband sees that his wife enjoys their union, the more he becomes satisfied. Like it or not, most of the time, men leave their wives for other women who can fulfill this need.
2. FINANCES. This is the second major cause of divorce in America. Men feel
secure when their wives know how to spend money and manage their finances wisely. According to surveys, men are more likely to become depressed when their wives are big spenders or demanding of material things.
3. ATTRACTIVE WIFE. Men are visual. They are easily attracted by what
they see. It is therefore the wife’s duty to make her personal appearance as beautiful as possible for her husband. Modern day cosmetics and aesthetic technology are a big help. Clean, neat and attractive clothes are a must for wives. On the other hand, there is another kind of beauty that is most pleasant to all men – a beauty that does “not come from outward adornment as braided hair, wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes, but the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight” (1 Peter 3:3-4). No matter how pretty the face and the body is the wife could still be a vexation to the spirit and soul if she is a nagger and is quarrelsome. Proverbs 21: 9 says, “It is better to live in the corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.”
4. HOME. William Harley, who wrote His Needs, Her Needs, refers to this as
domestic support. A husband desires a home where he can relax in and have peace after a long day’s work. It is the wife’s role then to keep the home as attractive, as enjoyable and as clean as possible. He longs to come home and have a lovely, sumptuous dinner prepared for him by his wife. Other than these, he also needs a wife who can control and keep their children in order (although discipline of kids should be spearheaded by the father).
These are very basic and a man has a lot more needs than these but if the wife can
zero in on these four, she would get the best husband any woman would ever like to have! God bless your marriage.
To our readers: you may call or write to us at our address above-stated or email us at danteveluz@gmail.com or you can channel your feedbacks or problems through Philippines Today. God bless you all!

No More Cyber Sex

bong — Tue, 08 Nov 2011 03:17:37 +0000

Q: My husband is a seaman. He is a faithful and loving husband to me. He often repeats that he respects me so much such that he cannot dare look for another woman. We communicate to each other via Skype or email, so we see each other on camera. One day he suggested that I make up a story (I majored in Psychology) that I have a third party and that I would tell him everything that I do with the other man. So I thought if that would please him, that would be easy. So I did and sometimes I would watch porn so I can explicitly describe gross things to him. He seemed to have taken pleasure in that and he would be fulfilled and sexually satisfied doing Cyber Sex. I found nothing wrong with that except that one day, I had a personal encounter with God and I felt disturbed and dirty doing the things I did with him. I repented of and renounced these things that I did. My problem is how I can cut these things off while not displeasing my husband? If I stop what I am doing, I fear will he resort to looking for other means of fulfilling himself and will be unfaithful to me. Please help me.

A. Thank you for being honest with us. Since you mentioned you are feeling guilty and disturbed we assure that is the effect of meeting God in a personal way. You have allowed the Holy Spirit to dwell within you and God has purged all of your sins. 1 Corinthians 5:17 says, “If any man is in Christ, he is a new creation, the old (nature) has passed away, the new has come”. You have become a new creation in Christ. Your sincere repentance of your sins has resulted in your desire to turn away from them. Definitely your husband will not understand you at first. But we advise you to fast at least for one meal and pray for a miracle for your husband. Then slowly break the news to him. Share with him how you encountered the Lord and tell him that you now feel about Cyber Sex. You may also share with him about Matthew 5:28 which says, “Anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart”.
Share with him also about the experience of the Samaritan Woman in John chapter 4 of the Bible; that this woman who cannot be satisfied in the flesh such that she has had 5 husbands, encountered the Lord Jesus who offered her water which will cause her not to be thirsty again. Tell him that Jesus discerned that what this woman needed was not natural water but the spiritual water that only He can give. The Samaritan was changed in this encounter.
Tell him that both of you can experience being fulfilled even if you are apart from each other by surrendering your lives to Jesus and repenting then turning away from your sins. Suggest to him that you both pray to God together to cleanse you both. Assure him that you love him so much and that if it is possible for him to sail for just this last time, you will set aside his earnings for a business so you can be together.
It is quite dangerous to for spouses to be separated for long periods of time. Temptations are everywhere and both parties are subject to them. Besides, the reason why many children go wayward is because of absentee parents. We hope this won’t be true to your household, but this is reality.
We advise you to continue your walk in the Lord for He promised that when you are saved, your whole household will be saved (Acts 16:31). Because of you, your husband is also sanctified in Jesus. Continue to trust in the Lord for He will do great miracles in your husband’s life so that you don’t have to fear that he will stop being faithful to you. God bless you and your husband!
To our readers: you may call or write to us at our address above-stated or email us at danteveluz@gmail.com or you can channel your feedbacks or problems through Philippines Today. God bless you all!

Should I Jilt Him?

bong — Sat, 01 Oct 2011 05:14:10 +0000

By REV. DANTE & CYNTHIA VELUZ
Q: “I am getting married in a month’s time. I met my future husband in a stall while I was buying ingredients for my food business. We got friendly to each other. I joked him a lot (I am quite a jolly person) and he would laugh at my jokes and I could tell he felt very entertained. Knowing that he is a lot older than I am, I felt that I was safe with him. We didn’t have many things in common except that we share the same faith in God. So when he proposed to me, I thought he is probably the guy for me. When we were planning the wedding, however, that was when our differences started to pop up. We couldn’t agree on a single thing! He wanted a plain, simple wedding with only his parents and siblings and my siblings. He didn’t like the wedding invitation, he doesn’t wear formal attire, I shouldn’t invite my friends, he didn’t like the venue, etc. To tell you frankly, we have had so many arguments short of fighting with each other tooth for tooth. But the greatest disagreement was on finances. Because I am an established professional and have saved a lot of money, I planned to share at least half the expenses. But it seems more will have to come from me. I learned that he is just banking on what his mom will give him since their business is owned by the mom. I told him I am having second thoughts about pushing through with the wedding and he got fuming mad at me because he said he would have no guts to face people. I just feel we are not compatible at all. My only concerns are wasting all the money I already put in and the embarrassment it would cause us. Should I cancel?”
A: You still have a lot of time to change your mind. Give some serious prayers on this matter because marriage is a life-long commitment. If you get married to him you can no longer back out. You will have to accept him – quirks and all. As it is, there a lot of signs pointing to the kind of life you will have in the future. Fighting while you are still engaged is an indication that sweetness and tender love could be missing. By the way you didn’t mention anything about love either. Pardon our saying that we do not know if you have the right foundation in your relationship.
Sometimes sharing the same faith could not guarantee that you are God’s will for each other. You have to really seek God to know if he is the one for you. If you ask the Holy Spirit’s guidance we are sure He will reveal His will to you.
It appears that your future groom per your description is not quite as responsible as you are. If he is still depending on his mom and her business something is terribly wrong. He might not be ready to assume responsibility as the head of the family. There is a possibility that you might end up being burdened with that role but we hope not.
You didn’t specify whether it is part of your culture or if it customary for the bride to spend for the wedding as in some traditions. However, since you mentioned that you were planning to foot in half of the bill, it is probable that your culture dictates that the groom spends for the entire wedding. To his credit, he sounds frugal and a simple man because he wants a simple wedding with less frills and superfluities. That means fewer expenses, too on his part if this is the case.
We noticed something wrong with the way he responded when tried to back out. It seems he is very particular about saving his face rather than saving your relationship. Although you also mentioned it will cause you embarrassment as well, his answer didn’t show much tact on his part plus the fact that he got so mad at you for it instead of winning you over to his side is a negative factor.
Try to evaluate your relationship: are you really in love so as to accept him for who he is? Are you willing to go through the agonies and not only the bliss of marriage with him? If on the other hand you feel otherwise, it is better to cancel now than suffer for a lifetime. The money you will have wasted will be nothing compared to a lifetime at stake. We pray for the right decision for you. God bless you.
To our readers: you may call or write to us at our address above-stated or email us at danteveluz@gmail.com or you can channel your feedbacks or problems through Philippines Today. God bless you all!

What a Woman!

bong — Fri, 23 Sep 2011 06:33:19 +0000

By REV. DANTE & CYNTHIA VELUZ
Q. “My husband has been working in the Middle East for 5 years when my petition from the U.S. got approved. Before he left the country we agreed that anytime my mom’s petition would be granted he would follow me and our child to California. It has been a year and a half and he no longer seemed interested. I began to suspect that there might be a third party involved and how right I was! My sister in the Philippines discovered that he went back from the Middle East for a few months and he did not stay at our house but rather in the house of his other woman. Now I heard that the woman is pregnant. I am not one will just to sit down and watch. I just had to do something. So I packed up my things and went to Saudi Arabia to surprise him. I found out that they were living under the same roof. Needless to say I created a scandal that resulted to my husband’s losing his job. He was so furious but he could not undo what I did. I also gave the woman a tongue lashing and almost pulled her hair except for the intervention of my husband. We both went back to the Philippines, stayed in our house there and I literally clang to him like a leech. He kept on ignoring me but I did all I can to woo him back. Can you imagine that having been the aggrieved party, I still had the nerve to forgive him, take him back and love him still? Some say I am insane or foolish, but I cannot just give away what is rightfully mine. I am now working on his papers and whether he likes it or not he is coming with me back to the U.S.”
A. All we can say to each other is, “whew”! What a woman! We salute you for your courage, persistence and great love. We fully agree with you that you should do all you can to keep your marriage because this is God’s will even from the beginning. We pray that your husband will soften his heart and will respond to your kindness and love toward him. From what we discern, at the moment, it is a one-way attempt on your part for your husband still seems to be adverse to reconciliation because his heart is predisposed toward the other woman. With God’s help, all that can change, you’ll see. We believe with you that “love covers a multitude of sin (James 5:20)”, and he will eventually come around.
Right now, we feel that there is one most important ingredient lacking in your crusade to completely bring your husband back to you and your child: God’s intervention. Only God can do a miracle in your husband’s heart. Nothing is too hard for Him. In the book of Ezekiel 11:19, “… I will put a new spirit in them. I will remove their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh. Then they will follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws. They will be my people, and I will be their God.” Nobody else can change your husband. Indeed, only God can!
In order for God to be able to work in your and your husband’s lives, however, you will have to ask Him. He respects your free will and will not just barge into your affairs. In the book of revelation 3:20, Jesus is saying, “Here I am! I stand at the door (of your heart, emphasis ours) and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in…” It is our earnest prayer and desire that you will invite Jesus into your heart and ask Him to be the Lord of your life so that He can take the reigns and lead you in accordance to His will and ways. If you do this, you will find that you will no longer carry your burden alone; Jesus will be your help. In Matthew 11:28-29, He says, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light”.
We also suggest that you see a counselor, who can walk your husband through and into the truth of God’s word that adultery is sin and that God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16). He has to hear it from someone else so his mind can be renewed. The counselor can also guide you in your walk together as husband and wife. Better if you can attend marriage seminars or retreats. Continue to show unconditional love to your husband for God sees all your efforts. We know that He will supply you with the strength and all the wisdom that you will need. Shalom!

Forgiveness is a Decision

bong — Thu, 15 Sep 2011 02:06:18 +0000

By REV. DANTE & CYNTHIA VELUZ
Q. “I read you talked about marriage as a covenant. Five years ago, my husband broke his covenant with me by having an affair with a prostitute. All those years he told me that he kept the whole matter to himself because he remembered that I warned him that if he ever cheats on me, I would separate from him even if we already had kids. I do not know how, but recently he said he got so convicted about it and mustered enough courage to ask my forgiveness. I was so shocked, I became hysterical, could not eat and could not bring myself to touch or even talk to him. For the last few days I have not been sleeping in our room. I don’t think I can handle this; I can’t even make a sound decision. Could you help me?”
A. You may not have realized how blessed you are that your husband got convicted of his sin against you and confessed to you, but you are! Confession of guilt and repentance could have only come from the Holy Spirit. Not all husbands would and could do what he just did. Some would just bury their sins with them. Others couldn’t care less. Some would even cheat their wives openly and then leave them eventually. We discern that your husband is a godly man and is sincere in his repentance. However, just so you can be assured, confirm with him that he didn’t have any other affair after that (otherwise he would have confessed that, too). Observe the reparations your husband is trying to make. Look back to the last five years… did you feel his love and care for you? Did he perform his duties as a husband? Was he attentive to you and your family? Did you feel secure with him? If the answer to these is YES, then in all likelihood, your husband has been faithful to you.
This is not to condone your husband’s sin; but just like any of us, he is human and is weak and sometimes does fall, just as we all do. Not one of us is perfect. The most important thing is that when he fell, he rose from where he has fallen and has turned away from that which caused us it. Anyone who acknowledges his sin before God and man, and confesses to Him and repents, He does not turn away but rather forgives and brings back to His fold. Remember what happened to the prodigal son in the parable in Luke 16? When the rebellious son came back in humility asking forgiveness, the father did not only forgive him, but welcomed him back, embraced him and held a feast for his once lost son. Such is our Father in heaven’s love for all of us. This is total forgiveness and we his people, therefore, should do likewise.
We understand how hurt, frustrated and angry you are that you have been cheated such that you were unable to release your forgiveness for now. We advise you, however, not to withhold your forgiveness for your sake and his; otherwise your lack of forgiveness will become a burden to you both. For you it will produce mistrust that will lead to worry, anxiety, fear, bitterness and resentment. This will tear you and your husband apart. On your husband’s part, if you do not forgive, he will not be released from the bondage of condemnation and he will lose the joy of being set free from sin. Please consider these Scriptures: “Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you”, (Colossians 3:13). Apostle Peter asked Jesus, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times but seventy-seven times” (Matthew 18: 21) and “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father in heaven will not forgive your sins (Matthew 6:14-15).
Therefore, we admonish you to pray to Jesus that the Holy Spirit will heal you and uproot the pain and the bitter memory of the past. Hebrews 8:12 says, “God forgives and remembers our sins no more”. With His help you can do the same. After this, talk to your husband, verbally release your forgiveness, then go and sleep with him again. Let your love blossom again. You will be amazed how your love will become sweeter the second time around. Shalom!
To our readers: you may call or write to us at our address above-stated or email us at danteveluz@gmail.com or you can channel your feedbacks or problems through Philippines Today. God bless you all!

Defining Wives’ Roles

bong — Mon, 05 Sep 2011 14:42:20 +0000

Q: “Should husbands always be the ones to love and please their wives first? It has been two years and I feel that I am still pursuing my wife, trying to give in to what she wants. I think I am spoiling her too much. What if she abuses my love, goodness and kindness? Could you define the duties and roles of wives to make husbands like me happier?”
A: Thank you for taking time out to tell us how you feel. Don’t worry, there is no such thing as overdose of love. Generally, a wife who is dearly loved by her husband will always try to respond and outdo him in love. Furthermore, a husband who takes the lead role in marriage will get all the respect he wants from his wife and will never be in danger of being abused. We heard someone say, ‘treat your wife as a queen and she will treat you like a king!’
Because of your request, we would like to address the following for wives to ponder upon:
First of all let us make clear that by the Holy Scriptures, the wife’s role is to be the helper of the husband (Genesis 2: 18). In the Hebrew language, a helper is someone who helps the other find fulfillment and someone who rescues another. A helper is not a housemaid that the husband bosses around but rather someone who makes him complete. When the wife learns how to fulfill and make her husband complete, this woman will most likely be the happiest woman on earth. Many counselors and psychologists agree that the following are the most important needs that when met will make the husband happy and fulfilled:
1. SEX. The woman should consider that man has a different sexual make up. Whereas she is content in being cuddled, kissed and hugged without desiring sex, this is man’s primary marital need. Sex “gains for him the value of rejoicing in his God-given manhood’ (Debrah Johanyak, Ohio). Some men need to make love more often than others. Therefore, wives should try to respond to them (instead of rejecting their men) and should fulfill their marital duties with joy (1Corinthians 7:3). The more the husband sees that his wife enjoys their union, the more he becomes satisfied. Like it or not, most of the time, men leave their wives for other women who can fulfill this need.
2. FINANCES. This is the second major cause of divorce in America. Men feel
secure when their wives know how to spend money and manage their finances wisely. According to surveys, men are more likely to become depressed when their wives are big spenders or demanding of material things.
3. ATTRACTIVE WIFE. Men are visual. They are easily attracted by what
they see. It is therefore the wife’s duty to make her personal appearance as beautiful as possible for her husband. Modern day cosmetics and aesthetic technology are a big help. Clean, neat and attractive clothes are a must for wives. On the other hand, there is another kind of beauty that is most pleasant to all men – a beauty that does “not come from outward adornment as braided hair, wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes, but the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight” (1 Peter 3:3-4). No matter how pretty the face and the body is the wife could still be a vexation to the spirit and soul if she is a nagger and is quarrelsome. Proverbs 21: 9 says, “It is better to live in the corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.”
4. HOME. William Harley, who wrote His Needs, Her Needs, refers to this as
domestic support. A husband desires a home where he can relax in and have peace after a long day’s work. It is the wife’s role then to keep the home as attractive, as enjoyable and as clean as possible. He longs to come home and have a lovely, sumptuous dinner prepared for him by his wife. Other than these, he also needs a wife who can control and keep their children in order (although discipline of kids should be spearheaded by the father).
These are very basic and a man has a lot more needs than these but if the wife can
zero in on these four, she would get the best husband any woman would ever like to have!
To our readers: you may call us or write to us at our address above-stated or email us at danteveluz@gmail.com or you can channel your feedbacks or problems through Philippines Today. God bless you all!) 553-1285

A Wife I Can’t Trust

bong — Fri, 26 Aug 2011 06:50:50 +0000

By REV. DANTE & CYNTHIA VELUZ

Q: “I admit that I have been unfaithful to my wife but I never abandoned my family. My wife always suspected that I have affairs but never caught me. Naturally we fight fearlessly. Our pastor tried to intervene so we can to put our lives back together again, but I am not sure if I really want to stay with her. She claims that she loves me but she does not respect me. Even in front of our children and even our Pastor she would nag, scream and become fuming mad at me. I swear if there were no other people with us she would have smacked me or have eaten me alive and I would have been a battered husband. I know that I have been in error but how could I love and trust her?
A: Love is a decision. You have to decide to love your wife no matter what. Trust follows after love. When love overtakes you, trust becomes inevitable. Both are results of mutual devotion to God and to one another. If you draw near to God, you will be infused by His love then it will be effortless to love especially your spouse. Try to spend more time with God first and learn to dwell in His presence. Once you do, it will be easy to love your wife.
Please remember that love is never a one-sided affair. It takes two to love. You cannot just receive it. You have to give it to feel its real essence. It is unconditionally given to the other person – no buts, no ifs. The Bible says, husbands, love your wives as your own bodies (Ephesians 5:25).
Honestly, if you still care for the welfare of your family and you want it to remain intact, the change should start with you. You must make the first step of humbling yourself: admit your faults to your wife ask her forgiveness and make it up with her. This way you do not only honor your covenant, you also honor God.
If you want her to respect you, you have to show an example and mind you, respect is always earned. Give her the respect by staying true to your vows to her and making her secure in your love. Once she feels that you love her, she will respond by loving you back!
You must be questioning why does it seem that we are picking on you when you were asking for advice for yourself? Our answer is: please take time to ponder if God is dealing with you instead. God loves you and your family so much and He has a great plan for you. Being the head of your family, you are the spiritual head who will guide your family to truth and righteousness. You will see that the moment you make a decision to stand up to your role as a husband and father as God designed you to be, you will be amazed how the whole situation will turn around for good.
Therefore, we advise you to come to terms with God first. Spend time with Him. Talk to Him. Listen to His voice. He is your Father. He will guide you through His Spirit. He will teach you what to do. Read His word, the Bible and He will speak to you. God bless you!
You may call or write to us at our address above-stated or email us at danteveluz@gmail.com or you can channel your feedbacks or problems through Philippines Today. God bless you all!